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**                  **
**    WHAT IF       **
**   COMPUTERS      **
**   RULED YOUR     **
**   TELEVISION?    **
**                  **
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Prime  time  TV  is  filled with cops, lawyers, and doctors, but  the  people
who  REALLY run things in this country are  the  people   in   the   computer
industry. I  was wondering what 'TV Guide' would read like if popular culture
reflected reality... 

8:00 AM
THIS OLD MAINFRAME - Host Bob Vila revamps a Univac and shows how you can turn an old PCjr into a functional doorstop, paperweight, and other decorative objects. 

9:00 AM
WIN, LOSE, OR FAX - Game 

10:00 AM
NAME THAT SOFTWARE - Users attempt to identify well known programs by looking
at the least number of lines of source code. 

11:00 AM
MY THREE SUNS - Neighbors get suspicious as to why Fred MacMurray keeps three
UNIX-based workstations in a suburbian neighborhood. 

12:00 AM
GERALDO - Apple and IBM executives debate which operation system leads to the
highest increase in productivity. The discussion turns ugly   when industry
guru Alan Kay bashes IBM chairman John F. Akers over the  headwith  a Dynabook prototype. Geraldo is hospitalized after is nose  is  broken by a flying Bernoulli Box. 

1:00 PM
LIFESTYLES OF THE RICH AND VISIONARY - Robin Leach takes us on a tour  of
Steve Jobs' fabulous Los Gatos mansion.

2:00 PM
MY MOTHER THE CAR PHONE  - David  is involved in a crucial conference call on
the New Jersey Turnpike when Mama interrupts to ask if he is dressed warmly. 
She ends up negotiating a better deal than David. 

3:00 PM
BATTLE OF THE LOCAL AREA NETWORK STARS- Middle management execs  compete 
inthe  floppy  disk  throw and 440 meter minicomputer   hurdles.  Sales and
marketing personnel perform on the pommel horse while holding laptops. 

4:00 PM
WORDPERFECT STRANGERS - Larry decides that using groupware would be a good way to meet women, but  Balki's laserprinter  explodes, ruining any chances of connectivity for the evening.

5:00 PM
AS THE DISK TURNS - While John is away at Comdex, Lucinda is having an affair
with his Wang.  Beau comes home unexpectedly and catches Pam fondling Adam's
laptop. Under hypnosis, Sally is  trying to figure out how it was possible to
get pregnant at a usergroup meeting. 

6:00 PM
MAYBERRY CPU - Andy discovers that his digital clock has more  intelligence
than Goober, who thinks 'multitasking' means being able to walk and chew gum
at the same time. Aunt Bea debugs Floyd's electronic cash register. Opie has
his mouth washed out with soap after calling Howard Sprague a nerd.   

7:00 PM
HOGAN'S  HACKERS - Kinch and Newkirk plant a computer virus into  Hitler's
personal database that commands Nazi planes to turn back and bomb Hamburg.
Colonel Clone fumes. 

8:00 PM
I DREAM OF GEnie - Comedy 

9:00 PM
MISTER ROM'S NEIGHBORHOOD - Mister ROM helps parents put young ones to  sleep
by reading selections from the 'Lotus1-2-3' instruction manual. 

10:00 PM
MODEMLIGHTING - David and Maddie finally log on together. Wisecracks ensue. 

11:00 PM
THE ODD WORKGROUP - Hilarity reigns when Felix replaces all the furniture in
an effort to make the apartment ergonomic. When Oscar  uses a diskdrive as an
ashtray Felix throws him out, insisting there is no place for slobs in a
multiple user environment.                        - By Dan Gutman