HUMOR STRIKES AGAIN!!

DEFINITIONS, DESCRIPTIONS, & DELIGHTS GALORE       Author: Anonymous



Dawn:  The time when persons of reason go to bed.

Do not drink coffee in the early A.M.  It will keep you awake until
noon.

Hackers do it with fewer instructions.
Hackers do it with all sorts of characters.
AI hackers do it robotically.
Statisticians probably do it.

On a clear disk you can seek forever.

If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a damn fool.

If God is perfect, why did he invent discontinous functions?

Those who can, do.  Those who can't, simulate.

Recursion is an act of faith.

Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.

Core:  The remains of an Apple when all of the bytes are gone.

Down Time:  Periods when a computer is acutely depressed.

Hexadecimal:  To bewitch a number.

Real Time:  Whenever a computer isn't hallucinating.

Terminal:  Said of a computer that is about to die.

SHIFT TO THE LEFT!  SHIFT TO THE RIGHT!
POP UP, PUSH DOWN, BYTE, BYTE, BYTE!

Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
     There's always one more bug.

Bug: A parasite which infests software.  It is transmitted by
illicit congress between people and programs.

The grandeur of man comes in that he knows himself to be miserable.
                                                             - Pascal

He who hath a beard is more than a boy,
And he who hath none, is less than a man.
- William Shakespeare (Much Ado About Nothing)

Infinite Loop:  See Input.
Input:  See Throughput.
Output:  See Input.
Throughput:  See Output.

Niklaus Wirth has lamented that, whereas Europeans pronounce his name
correctly (Ni-klows Virt), Americans invariably mangle it into
(Nick-les Worth).  Which is to say that Europeans call him by name,
but Americans call him by value.

Arnold's Law of Documentation:
    1)  If it should exist, it doesn't.
    2)  If it does exist, it is out of date.
    3)  Only documentation for useless programs transcends
        the first two laws.

Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard and waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal, finding some code that will make the machine
               do some more.
What is it for?
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?


                   SYN SYN SYN DLE SOH COMMUNICATA
                         FROM ALAZAR DLE STX

          Pick carefully amid the noise and breaks,  and  recover
     what  bits  there  may  be  in  signal.   As far as possible
     without chaos be on compatible protocols with  all  systems.
     Send  your  bits  RS-449,  but receive RS-232, and even from
     ASR-33s;  they too have  their  input.   Avoid  local  sales
     representatives;  they are vexations to the spirit.

          If  you  interface  with   others,   you   may   become
     constrained,  for  there  will  always  be  higher and lower
     protocol layers than yours.  Link your transmissions as well
     as  your  queues.  Keep interested in your hardware, however
     humble;  it is a real constraint in the changing fortunes of
     time.

          Exercise encryption  in  your  transmissions,  for  the
     world  is  full  of trickery.  But let this not blind you to
     what cleartext there is;  many systems fail to encrypt,  and
     everywhere life is full of opportunity.

          Be yourself.  Especially, do not  feign  compatibility.
     Neither  be  cynical  about  FORTRAN, for in the face of all
     aridity and disenchantment, it is perennial as grass.   Fail
     softly   over   the   years,   gracefully  surrendering  the
     throughput of peaks.

          Nurture duplicates to shield you in sudden  misfortune,
     but  do  not overload yourself with redundancy.  Many errors
     are born of congestion and complexity.  Beyond  a  wholesome
     backup, be space-efficient.

          You are a child of the Univac I, no less than the 1100;
     you  have  access rights to be here.  And, whether or not it
     is clear to you, no doubt the Univac I is  computing  as  it
     should.   Therefore  be  at peace with Ma Bell, whatever you
     conceive  Her  to  be,  and  whatever  your  executive   and
     applications  in  the noisy confusion of life keep pace with
     your clock.  With all its bugs, kludgery, and broken  tapes,
     it is still a beautiful operating environment.  Don't forget
     to double a DLE DLE.  Strive to be happy.

                           DLE ETX SYN SYN